For Jokes and Riddles
by Fae Dishon
Summary: Elaine Nygmas father has been missing for 2 years. She is gothams new riddler. One day she gets invited to a christmas celebration whaere she meets the crown price of crime himself. Tother they could have an act all thier own
1. for jokes and riddles

The Riddler was slightly terrified. She wasn't used to attending parties that she didn't intend to rob. Dressing up was another challenge for her. After a year of being the Riddler she'd gotten used to not having to go any ware without her mask and decided the mask was necessary tonight. A black mask with little green question marks all over it. Her dark red hair was curled and framed her face sweetly. the innocence of her face sharply contrasted with her clothing.

A black mini skirt, that was pleated near the ends. and a black crop top with straps that crosses her abdomen in an X. Her long green jacket was thin and flowy with a large black question mark on the back of it. The hem or her jacket brushed her knees. Her heels were black and eight inches tall swirls of green gave them rubbing elbows with her fathers old partners in crime made her almost sick to her stomach. She strapped her nine millimeter into its thigh holster if not to use it but to send a message. 'I may not be a man. But I will kill you.' She grabbed her black fedora and left her apartment

The warehouses exterior was unsurprising. It was just Penguins style to make something gross on the outside something people wanted to be near. She sighed and entered the building. It was cheerful and bright on the inside with several of Gothams top criminals milling about. A few she recognized from her brief stints in Arkham. Cat and Ivy being a few.

The Penguin shuffled over to her scowling, "I sent an invitation to the Riddler, who are you girl?"

Several of her fathers old business partners still refused to believe that Edward Nygma had been missing for the last two years or that his daughter Elaine had taken up the mantle. "I am the Riddler, mister Penguin." She said smirking, "Shall I prove it to you?"

"Yes" squawked the penguin.

"Firstly" She said and slipped the shoulder of her coat down and turning her left shoulder to him so that he could see. A green tattoo of a stylized question mark was contrasted against her flesh.

"And secondly, Whats black and white and red all over?"

"What?"

"Any Penguin who questions my right to my fathers legacy." She smiled, " Now may I go enjoy the party?"

He eyed the gun on her thigh with trepidation.

"Go ahead." he squawked.

She hung her cover and hat by the door and walked into the party.


	2. kiss me kill me

Riddler made her way around the party goers. A dance floor had been set up in the middle of the warehouse and dance music was plying while the baddest business people in Gotham got their groove on. Honestly is sickened Riddler. She didn't feel like dancing at the moment she made her way to the side and sat on a couch to observe.

"Hello Doll," Said an all to familiar voice next to her ear. She didn't so much as blink.

"Hello Joker." she said as cheerful as she could manage while being hyper aware of her gun in its holster. Joker was just as likely to gut you as shake your hand so she had been told.

" Glad you could make it, I was going to leave if nobody interesting showed up." He said laughing and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. H leaned back and watched the dancers.

"Ah, Harleys still in Arkham i take it." she said

"Yeah, if the foolish girl can't figure out how to escape by tomorrow i'll bust her out, Should keep me form having to get her an actual gift. And I'd love a quiet Christmas eve tonight"

"So you came here?"

"So I did." He saighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Any word on your father Elaine?"he sipped his drink.

She clenced her fists and blinked a few times trying not to cry.

"Not a peep." She looked around the room and noticed several people were pointing and giggling at her and the joker.

"What are they laughing at?" Riddler growled.

"My dear Riddler, whats green and white and make s people kiss?"

She tilted her head back and looked strait up. "You have got to be kidding me" she said

"Afraid not doll." The Joker said standing and offering her his hand. She took it and stood begrudgingly.

"Behave" She muttered to him.

"Never." He pulled her to him roughly and without warning. The kiss was pure fire and passion. His hands around her waist. Her left hand was on his neck but her right pulled her gun from its holster and pointed it up.

She fired and a lump of smoking green and white fell t the feet of the couple still kissing. Joker broke the kiss and laughed. the crowd was searching in vain for the victim of the bullet.

"Talk about fireworks, oh you are too sweet R. too to sweet." He plucked the lump off the ground and held it in the air between them. " Behold the Victim." He laughed and they came together again in that fire all their own.

" It's a good thing my lipstick is kiss-proof." Riddler said when they broke once more. The crowd had returned to their party leaving the two tricksters to their own devices. the two stepped apart as Penguin waddled over in absolute outrage.

"How dare you!" he sqwaked" Do you know how long it took to get that up there?"

"Not half as long as it took to get down." The Riddler said blowing on the barrel of her gun and holstering it.

"Get out." Penguin shrieked.

"Penguin." Joker said in a warning tone, "Riddler will stay as long as she likes."

"Like hell little girl playing pretend has gummed up the works of every dishonest business man here!" He gestured around the room. "Why on earth should I allow her to screw up our holiday too?"

"Because bird" Joker growled, "If you kick her out i will leave you gift wrapped under the tree for the bat."

"Why are you vouching for her, shes messed up more than one of your operations, and cost you some serious cash."

Joker wrapped his arm around Riddlers waist and pulled her to him once more, "because she's a damn good kisser and the most interesting person here at the moment."

Riddler noticed cat and Ivy whispering in the corner watching the confrontation, she caught a snip of the chatter, "Harley is going to kill her," And that general opinion was tossed around the room.

Joker let her go and took her hand, "C'mon doll lets throw our own party this one seems to be full of stiffs."

"How boring," Riddler said, "Yes lets go."

he led her to the door and handed the coat and hat to her. They both left the building leaving only cold and snow i their wake.


	3. I wanna bat for chrismas

The joker drove the riddler to a restaurant in the middle of Gotham.

"Get whatever you want doll I eat free here." Joker said

"Aren't you worried about the bat?"Riddler asked him.

"Nah Batsy won't bother us on Christmas eve."

"Alright."

As Riddler was looking over the menu she noticed the serving girl coming to fill their water glasses. the girls top was incredibly low and Riddler saw the poor thing angling her chest toward the joker. Riddler found it extremely annoying. when the girl sat her water glass down Riddler moved quickly. Without looking she grabbed her steak knife and pinned the girls hand to the table with it.

"Dear I need to beg a favor of you." She said sweetly to the server.

"Yes Miss?" the girl asked quivering in fear.

"Do stop flashing my companion here. It would be much appreciated" Riddler pressed down a bit and the girl sucked in a sharp breath. "If you won't, well I'd be forced to render you incapable. Am I under stood?"

The girl nodded.

"Thank you dear." Riddler removed the knife and the serving girl scampered off back to the kitchen.

Joker stared at her slack Jawed for a moment,then he said "My dear girl. You are an angel aren't you?"

"Am I?"

"You're a woman of fine taste at any rate." He said gesturing to the bottle of vodka she had asked for.

"Merely comfort drink my dear sir." She said flatly, staring into her compact and putting on a fresh coat of lipstick. "A favorite of my mothers. and the signiture drink of belle reve."

Before the Joker could reply the bell on the front door rang.

"The bat" Riddler mouthed, as the batman swept into the empty restaurant on a winter wind.

"The joker and the riddler, must be a Christmas miracle." He said.

Ah batty," Riddler said standing and grabbing her coat. "I have a gift for you, one better than the joker and I behind bars."

"What could be better?" batman asked.

"A warehouse full of unsuspecting criminals on break." she flashed a folded peice of paper in his face. he grabbed for it.

"Uhuhuh" riddler teased. "I need something first."

"What."

"A kiss." and she leaned forward and kissed his mouth. He didn't move when she pulled back. She tucked the bit of paper into his belt and grabbed Jokers hand.

"Let's go." She said pulling him out of the restaurant.

They got in his car and he drove them away.

"What did, you do to him" Joker asked.

Riddler fished a slender tube out of the small pocket of her gun holster.

"Early Christmas present from Ivy." She said,"Lipstick. she called it _stumped."_

"Would you like to go to my place?" he asked her softly.

"Sure. I would love to."


	4. A house of cards

Joker drove to an old apartment complex. He offered her his arm as they strolled through the front door and up to the penthouse. The space was brightly lit, " Do you like it?" Joker asked as Riddler looked around, he helped her out of her coat and took her hat.

"Yes, very much." Riddler said her green eyes wide.

The floor was a hard dark wood with emerald and violet rugs scattered here and there. Everything else was also decked in shades of emerald and violet. the far wall was made entirely of windows, and a stair case led upstairs to more rooms. "It's gorgeous, how did you get your hands on this place?" Riddler asked.

"An old enemy left it to me in his will if you know what I mean." Joker said laughing.

Elaine wondered over to a small table by the window wall. An antique record player sat there with a stack of records near by. She picked up the first one and blew it off.

 _You don't own me_ by Lesley gore. She put the record in the player and was about to put the needle down when joker came up behind her, "Good taste." He said in her ear.

"Oh, I'm, sorry." She muttered stepping away from the player, "I didn't even think, I just-"

"It's fine." Joker said, he grabbed her and and held it a moment, "Really its fine."

She blushed.  
"Its late." She said

"Do you want to go home?"

"No" She muttered, "I wish I'd thought to grab that Vodka,"

"Let me get you some." he said.

"On the rocks please."

Riddler stared out the window for a moment after he left.

Her father was out there somewhere, or his body was. Elaine shuddered. A tear leaked out of her eye and over her mask.

"Here" joker said handing her a glass of clear liquid. she took it form him as they heard the clock strike midnight, they toasted to Christmas. Riddler downed half the glass.

"What a pair we make." Joker commented after a moment,

"Yeah a dysfunctional wanna-be with daddy issues and the clown prince of crime." Elaine muttered, "Its like a bad joke"

She downed the rest of the vodka. He watched her do it then slid the glass from her hand, set the pair of glasses on the table nex to the record player. One half full and one empty.

He took her hand in his and placed the needle of the player into the groove of the record.

"Care to dance Doll?" he asked dragging her slowly into the wide open part of the room.

"I'd love to." she muttered following him. He pulled her close and slid a hand around her waist.

She shivered as his fingers slid along the bare flesh of her back. She made a small noise.

"Are you cold" he asked,

"No" she muttered, her gaze locking on his eyes, she found herself unable to look away.

"Where did you learn to dance like this?"

"Belle Reve."

He chuckled, "Why do you wear a mask?" he asked,

"I don't know." The room was so warm and the song was coming to a close. The final notes hing in the air for a moment.

He held her close to him and slowly, carefully untied her mask.

"Beautiful girl." he muttered a breath away from her ear, "May I kiss you?"

she choked on a faint moan and nodded slowly. For the third time that night they kissed, but it felt like the first, every little kiss and caress felt like that first. Her mask fell out of his hand and onto the ground.


	5. The punchline

**Sorry this took so long I've been haveing life issues ^._.^ , Here is that simi- lemon I know you were waiting for. Also disclaimer I own no one but Elaine and the situation.(since i forgot to say that before)**

As they kissed Riddler slowly backed him into one of the armless chairs by the wall of windows. she pushed him down into it and straddled him. Sitting in his lap on the chair she began kissing his neck her hands drifting to his shirt, she pulled the tails from his pants. He made an odd noise as she ran her hands under it, along the plains of his stomach and chest.

she removed her hands after a minuet, she moved her mouth to his collarbones and back up to his ear unbuttoning his shirt as she went.

"Ah, R. you are so-Mm" she cut him off. Stopping his mouth with hers. As they kissed his hands found their way to her holster. He unfastened it and slid it off her leg. A bull thud was heard as the gun hit the carpet. Then he wrapped his arms around her, moving his mouth to nip and suck at the place between her ear a shoulder.

"Ah," She moaned, "J."

"Yes R?" He asked with a growl in his tone.

"I think we should move this to a bed, Don't you?" She questioned.

"I agree minx" He growled licking the hollow of her throat quickly, "Hold tight" He whispered in her ear. Then he picked her up.

He carried her up the stairs to his bedroom, a room were two of the walls were made entirely of windows, glass. He let her legs go so that she could look around.

"Oh," She said in awe of the magnificent view, he nipped her ear - "Ah"- and was rewarded with a sound of surprised pleasure. He shut the door loudly and grabbed her by the waist dragging her around and pinning her to the door. she pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

"I like this," She said holding the green silk in her hands letting it flow through her fingers.

"I do too," He said, "it almost matches your eyes" He kissed her, madly, blindly, both of them feeling every inch of the other.

He picked her up again and turned gently tossing her on the bed. they quickly got rid of the rest of their clothing. And her hands clenched the violet sheets as he made love to her body every way he could.

After they were done she grabbed his shirt and slipped it over her head.  
"Must you get up love?"

"I have to J, I can't sleep without my gun."

"Hurry back."

She ran back down stairs and collected all her cloths in a pile stuffing them behind a curtain and got her gun out of the holster.

She made her way back upstairs and slid into bed cuddling against the joker and slipping her gun beneath the pillow. They both fell asleep.

Their bliss was broken the next morning by the shrill voice of a blond girl "Puddin, i'm home!"


	6. Don't bring a gun to a joke fest

"Oh Shit." Said the Riddler, at the same time as Joker said, "Harley Love." to cover the words.

"Mista J?" Harley said her voice cracking, "Who's that?" Her face was paler then usual as she pointed to The semi naked form of the riddler. Riddler sat up and slowly slid her hand under the pillow to grab her gun.

"Hey harl, how's it going?" Elaine asked,

"Elaine?" Harley said her voice barley audible now. Riddler slowly climed out of the bed holding the gun behind her back. Her heart was beating double time. She didn't want to shoot Harley but she would protect any bit of happiness she got in this world.

Harley drew her gun and both women found themselves staring down a barrel. Harley was sobbing but her hand was steady. "How could you R?" She cried "How could you do this with mista J ?"

"Easy H," She said her voice soft and cold and measured, " I was lonely and so was He. Don't blame him for not waiting around while you twiddled your thumbs in Arkham?"

"Puddin?" Harley questioned looking at Joker. Riddler gave him gesture that meant to keep his mouth shut.

"Yes H, Your puddin didn't wait for you. What are you going to do now? Mope around until he decides he wants you again?" Riddler grinned "Or try to kill me?" She whispered.

"R Do you think aggravating her is a wise plan?" Joker asked stilled on his bed the sheets pooled about his waist.

"Stay out of this J" Harley cried.

"She's right love stay out of it, this is just a friendly chat between us girls."

"Don't call him love! He's my puddin!" Harley screamed unhinged.

Riddler grinned like mad, "Actually I believe he's my puddin now." She said, 'Hey Harley, When is a gun not deadly?"

Harley pulled the trigger.

"When the safety on." Riddler lunged forward and snatched the pistol from the pissed of blond. Harley launched herself at Elaine, but Elaine was faster. Riddler threw both guns to the Joker shouting, "hold these", and grabbed the knife off the bedside table. Harley reached her, "YOU BITCH." she shrieked grabbing a fistful of Riddlers hair. Riddler turned and sucker punched her in the gut. Harley let go of Riddlers hair and doubled over in pain.

"Give it up Harley, or there will be consequences."Riddler said

Harley let out a deranged giggle and lunged again. Riddler side stepped her and pinned her to the ground, "I never liked this color job," Riddler said and gently tugged on on it. She cut the colored ends off of the ponytail leaving it blond and several inches shorter.

"What the Fuck!" Harley yelped

"Calm down I'm only fixing your hair." Riddler cut the other pony tail the same.

"Get off me!"

"Do you give up?" Riddler asked.

"For now." Harley huffed. Riddler rolled off her and helped her up.

"No I have some unfinished business with the Joker So please shut the door on your way out my dear." Harley sulked out of the room.


End file.
